Stay at Home Chaos

I tend to leave out the dynamics of my paternal family out, and for good reason. But there is a particular thing that’s been bothering me. I found out through the grapevine that my paternal grandpa, who has cancer, isn’t most likely not my grandpa. I love him and then I find out now that he probably isn’t mine? And that no one will tell me who really is? Did my Dad even know this? So now I know that not only is my Aunt not my grandpa’s kid, but neither is my Dad. My grandpa married my grandma because of Dad, and he isn’t his. Does my Dad and my Aunt share the same dad or not? I won’t know because no one is talking. This really gets to me because of my interest in genealogy. My family lines are now disrupted permanently, and I can’t get a clear answer. I now have a strong desire to get paternity tests on my kids just so that way they will never have a doubt. I still wait for the day that my Mom tells me that my Dad isn’t my father. But unfortunately, it appears to be a fact.

My paternal Grandma makes me terribly angry. Not only did she let her own brother who raped her own daughter around me and my sister, she never warned us. Ever. I overheard my Aunt yelling at her about him one day. Then she proceeded to help out the man that was released from prison for statutory rape of her own granddaughter who was 13 at the time. Where is her morals? Then not to inform her kids of who their fathers are, or her grandkids who their grandfather is? She just keeps pushing it. She is a pathological liar. I doubt she can help herself by now.

There are other people intervening with my disowning of that side of the family. Someone informed her that I had my baby, which was not even their business, but definitely not my grandmas business. I found out who, and blocked them on my Facebook after realizing my babies pictures had been jeopardized. I just want her to go away and leave me alone. I want the cards with her attempts at guilt to stop. I want her to stop trying to buy me off by sending me checks that I don’t want, then getting mad that I don’t cash them. The check that I was sent the very first time in the very beginning of this mess was from my sister through Grandma. I sent the check back to my sister, so she knew that I didn’t cash it. Grandma never told her and pocketed the money. To me, that’s stealing from my unemployed and at-the-time pregnant sister.

Tim didn’t approve of my estrangement in the beginning. But now that Grandma has tried to call him several times, he can see her as a bit harassing now. I’ve been informed that she is still calling my old number I changed a year ago believing that I’m screening her calls and changing my voicemail a lot.

No one has permission to tell that woman ANYTHING about me or my family. It is my business as I’m the only one related to her and the children. She has no rights. No one else has any rights to this matter. She shouldn’t know anything. She shouldn’t know that Kiki was born, but a relative snooped and told her. I had my own way that I was going to inform my Grandpa(he’ll always be my grandpa). Now I can’t do it. She shouldn’t know that I was in contact with my sister, but someone told her that shouldn’t have a while ago. It makes me angry. She needs to let up, as well as people who shouldn’t be concerned anyway.

I’m never involving her again. Why can’t people let me protect my kids the way I see fit? I just want them safe and loved, with a dash of sanity in there.

As mentioned earlier, I am estranged from my paternal side of the family for the most part. I’m in contact with my half-brother (somewhat) and have recently started talking to my twin sister again. I sent my niece a birthday present, which was kept away from her birthday party and gifted in private for reasons that I am about to discuss.

The main issue I have with my family is the social structure as a whole. You have a place in it, and if you step out of that place, the family matriarch will rain fire on you. I have stepped out of that place, and now the matriarch, my grandma, is trying her darnest to get me back in it. She has several tactics, all that I am very familiar with as she raised me. I watched her scheme, plot and take down other family members for her own gain before, so she is ignorant if she thinks I can’t see what she’s doing.

We kept my birthday present away from dear Grandma so that way she doesn’t find out I’m talking with my sister. Why? Grandma is manipulative and insane. We don’t want to cause a scene about what a terrible person I am, which she would cause, yet at the same time Grandma would send me another charming letter about how much she misses me. Two-faced is an appropriate word.

I haven’t talked with her in around 7 months. She claims she doesn’t know why, but she does. She’s sent me letters, because I changed my phone number and blocked her on my instant messengers. In these letters, she’s talked about how much she misses me and how she doesn’t know what she did. Each time she requests that I write or call her back to let her know what she did, which she already knows. Then she complains to my sister about what a terrible person I am to keep my deceased father’s grandchildren away from the family. Important note, he was in prison while I grew up, and an abusive alcoholic. Heaven forbid I keep my kids away from people I think aren’t safe for them.

As my sister and I put it, Grandma is the sun, and the world revolves around her. I am done with it. Quite frankly, since burning that bridge, my life has been much more easier and less stressful. I don’t want her back in my life. I don’t. But my grandpa got a tumor, which turns out to not be cancerous. He’ll need a couple surgeries to remove it and repair the area. This has Grandma in an uproar. Why? Because where am I? I’m not bending over backward with pity for her like the rest of the family. Grandpa needs the support, not her.

This brings on her tactics. Her first tactic was to contact me through mail because other options failed. I’ve received a couple letters, which started when I missed her birthday and July visit, and a calendar from my deceased father’s workplace. Notice how even during this stage, she won’t leave my father out of it. She also mentions with this calendar that my Grandpa has a tumor. (Dead father’s workplace calendar and news of a tumor on Grandpa? See a connection here?) She has sent me her new phone number twice, in case I didn’t get it the first time, I guess. So her mailings claiming innocence have failed to get a response from me. Then her mailings with dreadful news and mentioning my dead father also failed.

First was the innocent plea, then was the bad news guilt-trip. The next course of action will be to drag other people in to fight her dead-end battle. She’s already attempted this through my sister. She requested that my sister call my mother-in-law (who isn’t related to this in any way) to let her know that my Grandpa has a tumor that requires surgery. This would cause pressure from two families on me. This, however, also won’t work. Why? Because it’s my burnt bridge and I can keep it down. My sister refused to do this request. Grandpa is not dying. Grandpa is fine. Why she is trying to guilt-trip everyone to get me back in my place is beyond me.

That is a summary. I could include more, but alas, I won’t. It’s long enough. I just wish the woman would give up and leave me alone. I don’t want anything to do with her and her two-faced ways.

I don’t know whether to consider myself extremely easy to scare, or extremely difficult to scare. I can take a good scare joke just like the average person, as long as the scare isn’t alive and creepy looking.

I got the worst scare of my life just an hour ago. For those of you who don’t know, my dad died of cancer back in late 2006. We weren’t close. This is important. Also, I changed my phone number back in April, so not many people know it. There is definitely no one who would know it that would ask for me by only my first name, unsure of whether or not it would be or not. This is also relevant.

I got a phone call. I don’t recognize the number, so I expect it to be another “You’re cars warranty is about to expire.” call, despite the fact that I don’t have any car in my name. It wasn’t. I pick up the phone with my usual, “Hello?” expecting to hear an automated voice telling me about my non-existent car warranty. That isn’t what I get.

“Is this Emi?” in a very familiar voice. I freaked out, albeit quietly. My dead Dad was on the other line.

I very, very nervously answered, “..yeess…” which was followed by a brief, but eerie silence.

“This is George.” the other end finally said. I immediately relaxed. It was my brother! The one I never talked to before. I quickly told him he freaked me out, which I’m sure made him think I was immediately insane. But the fact is, I was terrified.

Yes. I really believed my deceased dad was calling me from beyond the grave to tell me God knows what. And I was terrified. I can laugh about it now, because it’s the only way I’ll be able to get over my falsified sense of impending doom.

Ohio is the place that our entire family resides. We happen to live in California. We moved here back in September 2005. Moving over 2,500 miles away from everyone comes with perks, as well as “what was I thinking?” moments. The good part is that no one drops by unannounced. The bad part is airplanes. I hate airplanes. And yes, I do mean hate. I hate them more now that I have to drag 3 bags of clothes/supplies, a stroller, 2 small children, and 2 car seats with me. We’re hoping to rent some car seats so we can not drag them with us. Along with those, I have to bring a diaper bag, Tim will bring his laptop bag, and Evie will need her own small bag with toys, her stuffed animal, and blanket.

Ory hasn’t been on an airplane yet. I doubt Evie recalls being on one, seeing as she was 1 years old the last time she went, and that’s the age Ory will be next week. I am not looking forward to it. We’ll probably be on the plane for 7 hours total, with a flight change. Then we get to get our luggage, find the car rental, and pack everything up just to be in the car for an hour to get to our destination. Yay. Tim will probably beg to stop at White Castles, and I’ll protest, only to lose. When you see me making predictions about what will happen, it has probably happened more than once before.

During our trip, I might have to drive 2 hours to visit my brother, then 2 hours back. I’d like to remind you that Evie gets car sick. So I’ll be bringing two different sets of clothes if this happens. We’ll be hanging out with friends for a little bit of time, and throwing Ory’s first birthday party, which I am pessimistic about who will show up. My own mother has already told me she isn’t coming because her husband has a business picnic. She couldn’t even recall his birthday. I tried to make light of it, but truth is, I’m very upset about it. I have no plans on making any plans to actually see her during this trip. The most upsetting part is that I invited my maternal grandparents, under the idea that my mother would be there and they could entertain themselves. Now my grandparents are going to be the only family members of mine there, and I never talk to them. It will be really awkward and now I just hope they don’t show up.

The majority of the time will be spent with my in-laws, who owns a 70+ pound dog that bit Evie on the head/face before. Tim talked with them and they’ll keep the dog put up. But not without upsetting me first. I was very unhappy with the excuses I was given after the bite happened. One of them being that the dog was hungry (WTF?), and another being that the dog was being a dog while Evie was being a baby. Apparently dogs that are real dogs bite babies being real babies. The main excuse was that the dog was tired. I am not an idiot. I live with the idea that if you put your hand in fire and you get burnt, you don’t do it again. So why is that I had to argue with Tim for weeks to understand that I was not willing to endanger my kids again? A big dog could easily kill Evie or Ory in a matter of seconds if it wanted to. I hardly know this dog. All I know is she came from a bad home at first then into my in-laws home, then later bit my baby on the head/face drawing blood. That’s all I need to know. I’m not looking forward to the awkwardness that is “keep your furrbaby away from my babies” which will be most likely treated as an insult. I’m just trying to protect my human kids.

Also I decided to have Ory’s birthday party as a BBQ lunch, even though I hate BBQ food. I got Tim a BBQ for Father’s Day, and I quickly regretted the decision. Despite the fact that I threw up a hamburger, even though I preemptively told him I hate BBQ hamburgers, he offered to make me another one at a later date. He doesn’t learn. Having a BBQ should make everyone, except myself, happy. I am undecided whether that’s a Win or a Fail. I’ll be damned if I’m stuck getting ready for the birthday all by myself again, and the BBQ will prevent that.

I am not looking forward to my trip. But I never do. I’m a pessimistic person. No amount of begging I did a couple months ago got me out of the trip. And I’m sure Tim is going to hate this particular post with a fiery passion. But he has been asking me to post.

Ory fought his second nap to Hell and back again. This time he decided to cry for 25 minutes straight. I wasn’t trying to get him to sleep the whole time either. I was busy trying to calm him down with toys, food, tickles, and kisses. None of them worked. Finally he just passed out, but when I put him in his crib, he started fussing. A few pats on the back and he was right as rain again. Evie woke up, and I changed my shirt which was covered in baby sweat and tears. That boy can really heat up! Evie and I munched on some watermelon and drank some juice. She insists on sharing sometimes.

In other news, my mother, Holly, made an honest effort in talking with me today. I hadn’t heard from her in a month when I went on an elephant rampage with my twin sister. I have nothing against Mom at this point in my life. She didn’t raise me, so we don’t really have that mother-daughter bond thing going on. In fact, we wasn’t in any real constant contact until 2 years ago, when I decided to stop holding a grudge for not attending my graduation party. Another reason to maintain contact was a main conflict was out my life.

Anyway, we got into a nice conversation. She offered me a dozen apologizes and a virtual snickerdoodle, or a dozen virtual snickerdoodles and an apology. I took the virtual snickerdoodles. Virtual YUM. It only takes one apology anyway. I got the better deal. I must admit though, it was nice to hear from her and to hear that she isn’t going to do the side picking thing. I was honestly a bit scared of being put into the cold again and my twin sister be turned into a favorite once more. I am relieved to see that this may not happen.

I will tread with caution, however. Out of everyone in my family, I am most like Mom. Which is sad considering she didn’t raise me. The thought that I can keep half my family is a great thought and I sincerely hope it works out. I’ve always wanted a Mom growing up. I had so many women try to take that role. It was something that offended me easily and deeply. I need to get over it now that I am one myself.

Evie and Ory can officially continue having two sets of grandparents. Grandma, Grandpa, Granny and Gramps. Mom called herself Granny once, so I’m going to stick it to her whether she wants it or not. It definitely helps with the “Grandma (name here).” I can just go with we’re visiting Grandma/Granny and there be no confusion! Win! Or I could put the two sets in the same room and let them battle it out with a baking contest. Luckily the great-grandparents already have set names they use.