Stay at Home Chaos

I tend to leave out the dynamics of my paternal family out, and for good reason. But there is a particular thing that’s been bothering me. I found out through the grapevine that my paternal grandpa, who has cancer, isn’t most likely not my grandpa. I love him and then I find out now that he probably isn’t mine? And that no one will tell me who really is? Did my Dad even know this? So now I know that not only is my Aunt not my grandpa’s kid, but neither is my Dad. My grandpa married my grandma because of Dad, and he isn’t his. Does my Dad and my Aunt share the same dad or not? I won’t know because no one is talking. This really gets to me because of my interest in genealogy. My family lines are now disrupted permanently, and I can’t get a clear answer. I now have a strong desire to get paternity tests on my kids just so that way they will never have a doubt. I still wait for the day that my Mom tells me that my Dad isn’t my father. But unfortunately, it appears to be a fact.

My paternal Grandma makes me terribly angry. Not only did she let her own brother who raped her own daughter around me and my sister, she never warned us. Ever. I overheard my Aunt yelling at her about him one day. Then she proceeded to help out the man that was released from prison for statutory rape of her own granddaughter who was 13 at the time. Where is her morals? Then not to inform her kids of who their fathers are, or her grandkids who their grandfather is? She just keeps pushing it. She is a pathological liar. I doubt she can help herself by now.

There are other people intervening with my disowning of that side of the family. Someone informed her that I had my baby, which was not even their business, but definitely not my grandmas business. I found out who, and blocked them on my Facebook after realizing my babies pictures had been jeopardized. I just want her to go away and leave me alone. I want the cards with her attempts at guilt to stop. I want her to stop trying to buy me off by sending me checks that I don’t want, then getting mad that I don’t cash them. The check that I was sent the very first time in the very beginning of this mess was from my sister through Grandma. I sent the check back to my sister, so she knew that I didn’t cash it. Grandma never told her and pocketed the money. To me, that’s stealing from my unemployed and at-the-time pregnant sister.

Tim didn’t approve of my estrangement in the beginning. But now that Grandma has tried to call him several times, he can see her as a bit harassing now. I’ve been informed that she is still calling my old number I changed a year ago believing that I’m screening her calls and changing my voicemail a lot.

No one has permission to tell that woman ANYTHING about me or my family. It is my business as I’m the only one related to her and the children. She has no rights. No one else has any rights to this matter. She shouldn’t know anything. She shouldn’t know that Kiki was born, but a relative snooped and told her. I had my own way that I was going to inform my Grandpa(he’ll always be my grandpa). Now I can’t do it. She shouldn’t know that I was in contact with my sister, but someone told her that shouldn’t have a while ago. It makes me angry. She needs to let up, as well as people who shouldn’t be concerned anyway.

I’m never involving her again. Why can’t people let me protect my kids the way I see fit? I just want them safe and loved, with a dash of sanity in there.